Having a C-Section is not an ideal birth plan for most women. Let’s be real, neither option is that fantastic. Would you like to get sliced open and have your insides tampered with in order to remove your baby? Or, would you rather stretch your vagina to an unimaginable size to birth your baby through a ring of fire?
I’ll take NEITHER for 500, Mr. Trebek.
I never had a birth plan. I wanted to go with the flow and I succeeded in that respect. That being said it’s okay that I am disappointed with my birth story. I had what’s called an emergency Cesarean section. I was unlucky enough to labor for about 22 plus hours. My pelvis would not open so my perfectly positioned baby could not drop. I even used a foley bulb that manually dilated me to about a 4. The nurse popped it out when I reached the limits of this bulb and let me labor for a bit without it. But when the OB came in later to check me, I had shrunk down to a 3… WHAT?! Yes, that can happen, I was unaware but now you are. In the end and without the gritty details, I had to have a medically necessary C-section. My precious baby girl made it into this world safe and sound which was, ultimately, the goal.
I remember the first night home from the hospital when my husband was doing some light reading regarding postpartum after-care for me and our baby. He got to the section about postpartum depression. It prompted him to ask me if I was disappointed that I ended up with a C-section or maybe if I felt like my body had failed. (This might seem a little direct for some but this is just the relationship we have. We can’t make each other feel better about a situation unless we have an idea of what is going on.)
I’m sure my answer that night was a tad convoluted. In a haze, I was still trying to process it all, but at least I was able to intimate to him that I was not happy about how it all went down. Now that I have had over a year to process and heal, I can clearly give an answer.
I am disappointed and I do feel like my body failed.
But, I am beyond grateful for my C-section because twice my existence has been saved via C-section. Not even a century ago most women didn’t even have the option. My mother had to have an emergency C-section before me and, as such, I am here. It is life-changing medicine. I am alive. My daughter is alive. We were doing well and there is no better blessing than that. Don’t get me wrong, recovery sucked. My body did not handle it well. Going up and down stairs was painful. I laughed, softly, when my OB cleared me for sex at my 6-week appointment – yeah right.
Even so, thank you to my OB for making that call and the L&D team for watching over me. Thank you to my nurse anesthesiologist who saw I was slightly panicking and used his science magic to make me feel better so that I could enjoy the first few moments of my daughter’s life.
When it comes down to it, I am just so happy to be alive.