My heart was nearly jumping out of my chest. I had been waiting over 10 long weeks for this very moment. Gripping the bench with one hand, while clenching my mother’s hand with the other, I was nervously awaiting the news. Over and over I repeated in my head, “Girl, girl, girl. Just say girl!”
The ultrasound tech, swiftly moving her little device around my belly, says in her chipper voice, “Nice round head, two arms, two legs, oh wait- we have something in the middle here.” I was screaming inside.
Don’t you say it, don’t you dare say the B word!
You see, ever since I was a little girl I always dreamed of doing French braids on my daughters’ hair. I imagined teaching her how to put on makeup. I saw mommy and me shopping days and helping her choose that special wedding gown. These were all the things my mother did with me.
I had no idea how to relate to a boy, let alone raise one. So, when I was blessed with my twin boys, and three years later got pregnant with my third, I had high hopes that three’s a charm. “This must be my girl!”
Well, the verdict was in. It was clear as day looking at the screen. The technician confirmed, “It’s a beautiful, healthy baby boy.” And just like that my heart sank to the bottom of my stomach. She said the B word. I laid there in shock, doing my best to hold back the tears. I could feel my mom trying to comfort me with her eyes. This prim and proper, miss sassy pants, won’t even hold a bug type of gal is going to be a mother to not just two, but three little boys under the age of 4.
Something I’ve recently learned after the birth of my third child is that my little plans and dreams don’t amount to the unimaginable plans that are actually in store for me.
When I was young I only knew what was in my tiny bubble or what I saw on television (no internet back then!). It was a very narrow-minded, naïve perception of life- through a child’s eyes. I was the closest with my mother, doing all the girly stuff that mothers and daughters generally do. My little sister and brother weren’t born until much later, therefore I had no idea how to even relate to my siblings. Hence, we don’t know what we don’t know.
My life hasn’t quite turned out as I expected, it is so much better.
Becoming a mother to three little boys has taught me that even though I’m not playing princess and dress-up, I have the privilege to be a mom. Five years ago all I wanted was to get pregnant with at least one child, any child. Here I am years later sounding ungrateful and picky, how dare I?
We want what we don’t have, and then when we get it, we want more. I’m like a kid in a candy store- You tell me I can only pick 2 pieces of candy, but when I look around and see all the options, I leave the store wanting more more more!
Today I take a step back and remind myself that ultimately, I did get what I want – times three! Having boys has taught me how to connect and relate with the opposite sex. Something I never knew was possible for me to do. Hearing the B word turned out to be one of the best things that ever happened to me!
Boys can be mushy and tenderhearted, they too love to cuddle (often accompanied by toots and giggles). I’ve bribed them into brushing my hair (so relaxing by the way), and they have a soft spot in their heart for their mommies. My relationship with each one of my boys is so unique. It fills me in a way that I could have never imagined. We’ve talked about one day possibly adopting a little girl (my tubes are tied). For now, though, I’m a #BOYMOM loud and proud. The B word isn’t so bad after all!